So, if you’ve been reading my blog, then you know that a couple of weeks ago, when my sister left me home alone, I walked to Venice Beach and bought a skateboard. I’ve since learned how to ride it, and I think these concrete wave-riding Californians are on to something.
Yesterday, I felt initiated into the cool kids’ club, when a guy on a stunt bike high-fived me on my board on the trail next to the beach. Between the hellish sunburn that I’m recovering from and the pride that surged through my veins when that guy high-fived me, I was feeling like I fit into the Santa Monica mold, or at least that’s what I looked like.
Then, last night, I went to dinner with my sister and a friend from New York in Culver City. We were having a good time, laughing, eating, making jokes at each others’ expense. It was like eating dinner in the East Village again. Then, my sister insisted that I drive home. For some reason (probably exhaustion) I snapped at her. I’m a nervous driver, especially in LA. I said, “I don’t even want to be here!” “Here” being California. I know it hurt her feelings and I wish I could take it back.
The truth is that I don’t know if I want to be here, but I shouldn’t blame my state of confusion on anyone. I need to apologize, and I will. But, in the mean time, as we know, karma is a bitch.
This morning I went out early to skateboard, and I was initiated in a new way. I ate pavement. I hit a smooth patch of concrete and when I pushed forward I hit a hole. I felt the skateboard launch backwards and watched as my face neared the sidewalk. Luckily I didn’t scrape up any knees because I caught myself with my palms. Now they are raw and well-scraped. When I picked myself up, a man handed me my skateboard. I said,
“I’m sorry, thank you. I’ve never fallen like that before.”
“It’s chill. That’s a part of it all, right? Falling?” he replied.
I nodded. He was right. Falling is a part of everything. Progress is picking yourself up, and going to the nearest bathroom to wash off the dirt, thinking about what you’ve done and how to prevent it in the future.