Letters to Your Exes


Love letters seem to be popping up everywhere lately. I’m not writing or receiving any love letters, but I was reading a Thought Catalog article about the raunchiest love letters from writers, and one of my best friends has an ex boyfriend who still writes her letters and asks her to write back to him.

It’s an odd concept to write each other letters after breaking up. Although, sometimes I wish I could say things to the people that I’ve dated, or even liked. Sort of a “look how far I’ve come since you.”

So, in honor of my friend and the letter that I hope she writes to her ex, here’s a letter to all of my exes. After writing it, I see that it comes across as spiteful, and I would never want people to think that I’m spiteful, but I cannot and you cannot deny that you’ve had similar feelings.


Dear boys,


I’m glad that I met all of you, even though I bite my lip so hard every time I say that, that I almost make it bleed. Every one of you taught me something about myself, and every one of you taught me something about humanity. Very few of you taught me anything about kissing.


I’d like to apologize for laughing in one of your faces when you told me not to fall in love with you. Because, even though it was stupid to say that and clearly you meant to hurt my feelings, I think my insatiable laughter hurt you more.


To the guy who felt he was superior to me and shut down all conversations after giving me a jar of granola, just, why? Also, the granola was fabulous, thanks. Additionally, thank you for teaching me that total silence is the meanest form of denying someone. Finally, thank you, again, for teaching me that, in the end, I was superior because I wasn’t cocky enough to think that I was…if that makes sense.


Oh, and to the guy with the “read reciepts,” touché.


To all of you that I blocked on my phone, every one of you who sent an unsolicited dirty picture deserved it. The nice guy who I just wasn’t into, I still regret ignoring and then blocking you after you called me out on ignoring you. You were right. It was wrong to lead you on, and I’m truly sorry.


To the guy that I blocked after you texted “Can I ask you a question?” I’m kind of sorry, but I just knew I wasn’t going to like your question.


I’m starting to realize that all of the cryptic language makes it sound like tI have countless numbers of exes, but I promise there weren’t. I’m also starting to realize that all of these instances seem incredibly immature because honestly, I was and you all were immature. I still cannot claim that I have matured, but thanks to all of you, and my extensive study of moral philosophy (peace out, David Hume), I’d like to think I’m getting nicer every day.


I wish you all the best in life,









One thought on “Letters to Your Exes

  1. I definitely liked the part about ignoring is the meanest form of denying someone. Its more effective than arguing. Been on both ends of that scenerio.


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